Poll Proves Without a Doubt That Sanity Still Exists

Going off to college is always an eye-opening experience for young adults, as meeting people from other parts of the country leads to inevitable conflict over geographical differences. Here are a few transcripts of real events as recorded by MTV:

Example 1:

(Southern Man enters dorm room to find Northern Dudes playing a game. Northern Dudes spot Southern Man)

Northern Dudes: Hey Southern Man, how are you?

Southern Man: I'm great! What are y'all Northern Dudes up to?

Northern Dudes: Y'all? Do you mean: you all?

Southern Man: Yee-haw, partner! Y'all!

Northern Dudes: Wow, the Confederacy sucks.

Southern Man: Secession!

(Southern Man secedes)

Example 2:

(It is the first week of college at USC. Florida Guy and his roommate Maryland Boy are debating where they should buy supplies. California Bro observes)

Florida Guy: Hey Maryland Boy. Let's go to Publix and buy some food.

Maryland Boy: What's Publics? I think we should go to Giant.

Florida Guy: Nah that shit's weak.

Maryland Boy: Guy, your mom's shit's weak.

California Bro (interrupting): What are you brahs getting all out of whack for? SoCal ain't got either Publix or Giant. We gotta hit up Superior.

Florida Guy and Maryland Boy: Ok, let's go.

California Bro: Shred the gnar!

(All three walk to Superior, buy nothing because there's nothing to buy, and get robbed at gunpoint on the way back. They call DPS and become nothing more than a statistic)

Example 3:

(Johnny Eastharbor, Cletus Southplantation, and Billy Bob Midwestfarm go to a restaurant. The waiter comes and asks what they want to drink)

Billy Bob Midwestfarm: What type of pop do y'all have?

Johnny Eastharbor: Billy Bob, don't you mean "soda"?

Billy Bob Midwestfarm: No , I mean pop. Waiter, I think I'll have a Coke.

Cletus Southplantation: You're gonna have to be more specific than that, Billy Bob.

Billy Bob Midwestfarm: No, I want a Coca-Cola, Cletus. It's specific enough.

Cletus Southplantation: Well then say Coca-Cola, because coke applies to all types of coke.

Johnny Eastharbor: But 6 out of 10 people on the 901 Blog and Grill said that soda was the proper term to represent all types of fizzy drinks, so I think that's the term we should use.

Billy Bob Midwestfarm and Cletus Southplantation: Agreed.

Waiter: Fuck my life.

As you can see from these telling examples, geographical differences run rampant throughout our country. The most divisive may be the debate over soda, pop, and coke, as the map above demonstrates. Blue represents areas that tend to say "soda," green represents "pop," and red represents "coke."

Now, being a Floridan myself, I cannot understand for the life of me why Florida is generally red. I have never heard anyone there say "coke" as referring to the larger group of fizzy drinks, only ever in reference to the most popular type of soda. And though I knew already that people from the Midwest area called it pop, I had never ever heard of anyone anywhere calling it coke.

So to settle this debate I put it to a poll, for all you loyal readers to decide once and for all which was the correct term. With such a large sample size and winning margin (4 votes more than both pop and coke!) I can say without a doubt that "soda" is the correct term and "pop" and "coke" are clearly wrong. If you will never read this blog again because of my fizzy drink bigotry, begone! We didn't want you here in the first place.

Until there is another debate to be settled definitively,

The 901 Blogger