American Public Favors "Ant" Pronunciation of "Aunt," Tommy Pickles Forced to Speak Out in Protest: "Human Race Doomed to Repeat My Mistakes"

The 901 Blog and Grill today settled the debate over "Aunt" and "Ant" with a blog-record-setting high of 33 votes. The amount of votes lends further credence to the results of the Blog's issue-settling polls and speaks to the desire of its readers to establish stability in their hectic lives.

I personally have said "aunt" instead of "ant" for my entire life, choosing to honor the way George Merriam, Charles Merriam, and Noah Webster intended the English language to be. I surmised that since words such as "gaunt" and "haunt" and "flaunt" were not pronounced "gant," "hant," and "flant" that keeping the U in "Aunt" was the proper thing to do. But now that I am forced to acknowledge the pronunciation of "aunt" as "ant," I feel two changes must be put in place so as to adhere to the new phonetic rules.

1. Words with "au" combos such as the aforementioned "gaunt" and "haunt" must now be pronounced without the U. "Gaunt and "haunt" will henceforth become "gant" and "hant." This also applies to every other word that combines the letters A and U in that order.

2. The word "ant" will now be pronounced "aunt" so that there is no confusion over what a person may be referring to. Little children like Tommy Pickles - in addition to older, sensible people - should never be confused again.

Well I hope this has settled this longstanding debate, and that you know you can always count on the 901 Blog and Grill to answer the important questions in life. 

Until another debate arises,

The 901 Blogger